Gingivitis

Gingivitis is THE biggest nightmare in my entire life. The pain of the gum is killing me slowly, it puts me off exercise, work, and even as simple as watching tv. As much as i hate antibiotics, it's the highway drug to get rid of the pain. I"m just hoping that it won't come back immediately right after the meds wear off.


I ain't too nervous bout having to be hospitalized for the operation, my only concern is that i'll have to wait for a long period of time before i get treated. I have very little patience, esp when i'm working so hard to built my health back to the level it used to be.


I've read from "alice in wonderland with cigarette" blog - it's not how one envision life would be if you go to bed asking urself if this is it


It reminded me of how i'd ask myself everyday before i fell asleep if that's a day already and what have i done today. This is so NOT how i want to live life, i had so much energy that could be put to better use.


I ain't miserable with gingivitis, i just can't put my head into the information that's needed to finish the bloody thesis. I'm not liking this, not at all. I once envisioned my life to be full of challenges, I felt empowered by solving problems that gets into my way. Wondering what would've happen if i've done this instead of that is not my way. I strangely believed that the road that i've chosen is for a reason, even most of the time, i managed to take the long way instead of the short cut, i'm paying my time to learn (probably a little too much time).


I've almost forgotten about this, i deleted Robert's number today. One side of me tells me that i want to know the reason for him looking for an affair (not sure if it's even an affair), but a bigger part of me was just waiting for something to happen. I find it hard to explain, but it's right thing that i did today - whatever happen happens, let's not think too far ahead.


Getting myself together and stopping all distraction should be the first priority, but i need to know how to get there. fark. I don't need luck, i need my ass kicked.